I don’t stop breathin’ every time the phone rings, My heart don’t race when someone’s at my door. I’ve almost given up thinkin’ you’re ever gonna call, I don’t believe in magic anymore. I just lie awake at night, Askin’ God to get you off my mind…It’s gettin’ better all the time, It’s gettin’ better all the time. Yeah, I got to work on time again this mornin’. This old job is all that I’ve got left. And no one even noticed I’d been cryin’. But, at least I don’t have the whiskey on my breath. Yeah, I think I’m gonna make it ‘Cause God won’t make a mountain I can’t climb. It’s gettin’ better all the time.
I remember thinking “It will never get better, this pain will never stop. I will never love again. I’m not strong enough for this.” I remember writing and rewriting those words down in my journal as I tried to put my pain into words after finding out my husband cheated on me. I literally felt like my heart was shattered. I would find myself randomly doubled over in pain, losing all the air in my lungs gone, not being able to move at all, wanting to scream at the top of my lungs and destroy everything around me. Anything to stop the pain. Watching my marriage disappear before my eyes, knowing that he could choose someone else over me and three amazing kids, it destroyed my world.It was by far the worst pain I had ever experienced in my life and I had definitely had my fair share of pain in my life. I was 100% sure the pain would never stop.
People kept giving me the same piece of advice. Over and over I would hear, “It gets better in time.” My least favorite word in the world became “Someday”. Someday you won’t hurt, someday you will heal, someday it will get better. I got so sick of hearing these words. Hearing that one day it wouldn’t hurt. How could it not hurt. A month went by and it still hurt, 2 months went by and I’d still want to break down in tears. 3 months…I was still angry and broken and lost. 4 months, I’d have a few good days and then something would hit me. I’d remember a dream we had for our family, I’d see a scene in a movie or a quote on Facebook and I’d feel like my whole world fell apart again. Someday sure wasn’t in a hurry.
I don’t know when it happened. I can’t put a certain date on it, but one day it got easier. One day I realized I was doing better. I was on the mend. I still have days where I get angry. I still have times that I run across something that brings tears to my eyes. I have times I still miss the family dream of all of us together. When the days are especially rough and the kids are extra crazy, I miss having someone to help wrangle them and get through it. When I’m feeling broken and just want to be held, I miss having that person to curl up next to and just let me lean on them. But, those moments happen less and less often. Fewer and fewer tears fall from my eyes. My heart is less heavy and the days less gloomy. The nights aren’t so long anymore. I believe in love again. I believe in myself again.
So as one heartbroken person to another, please believe me when I say, IT DOES GET BETTER. One day at time. One day, you will look back and see just how far you have come and you will know you’re someday is here. Be patient my friend. Feel the feelings that are clawing at your heart to escape. Give yourself the time to heal, the time to hurt and the time to grieve. Give yourself a someday. I’ll close this post with one of my favorite songs that I listened to over and over. A song that helps remind you how strong you are and how strong you can be. So, if you’re bored and need an anthem listen to “I Get A Little Bit Stronger” by Sara Evans.
It doesn’t happen overnight but you Turn around and a month’s gone by And you realize you haven’t cried.
I’m not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer I’m busy getting stronger. And I’m done hoping That we can work it out. I’m done with how it feels, Spinning my wheels, Letting you drag my heart around. And, oh, I’m done thinking, You could ever change. I know my heart will never be the same, But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay. Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger. I get a little bit stronger. Getting along without you baby. I’m better off without you baby. How does it feel without me baby? I’m getting stronger without you baby.
Until next time, drink your coffee, stay warm and blessed,